I just got back from a quick little vacay to south Florida, which means I got to spend some time at the beach. The beach is easily one of my favorite environments. It relaxes you and tans you at the same time, plus the views are always nice. You can't get much better than that. But, of course, if we're thinking of a beach, we probably think of swimsuits. And for some of us, if we think of swimsuits, there's a whole other thought train that goes on. And usually that train isn't headed towards positivity and self-love. It tends to get caught up at Self Loathing Station. I'll be the first to admit that I am very guilty of spending my sweet time at this place. But this weekend was a first for me: This was the first time in my life that I did not have a single negative thought towards my body whilst in a swimsuit.
2 Comments
Hey pal,
You're probably on your third emotional breakdown of the past 24 hours. You think you feel too much. Don't worry - it's your hormones and your empathy. The hormones will settle down soon enough and you'll learn to understand empathy over the next few years. Take a walk, learn to jog. That helps with the crying. And the anxiety. And the depression. Yes, those are valid, too. You should probably be open with your parents about it, and stop lying to your therapist. Don't be afraid of your brain. You'll wish you helped it sooner. Your stomach pain has a diagnosis: hunger. Talk to your parents about what's going on in your head - I swear, they understand. And go to the gym. If you're tired of feeling tired and hating your body, learn to take care of it. Your body doesn't like you too much right now, either. Treat it well. Don't stop dancing. I know he wants you to, but please don't. You love it. Keep doing what you love. Please. Go to every concert, every conference, every play. You live for these moments, and you will feel like you're dying when you avoid them for the sake of someone else's affection. You don't want to wear those shorts because you hate your thighs, and you don't want to wear a swimsuit because of all the stretch marks left over from multiple eating disorders. I can't lie to you and say that one day you'll wake up and these thoughts will be gone. But soon you'll start to realize that these are your battle scars, your proof that you fought and won. And that LITERALLY EVERYONE has stretch marks, so you're not some abnormality. And you'll learn to embrace your thighs. Your strong legs will carry you across the Alps one day. Oh, yeah: you'll go on a study abroad. It's pretty cool. Trust your gut more. Don't ignore the red flags, especially with the guys. That manufactured peace you give yourself as a coping mechanism isn't supernatural - it's deceitful. So whenever you see those red flags, run, don't ignore. If not, you'll really regret it and end up in college crying to your freshman year roommate about your trust issues due to some stupid ex-boyfriend. But I know you "know" you're right about all this right now. So I will leave you with this: One day, those words she spoke over you won't hold power. The insult he threw at you won't sting. You'll be able to walk into a room without having a panic attack, and will be able to go grocery shopping on your own. You'll learn that you love glitter as much as you love Star Wars, ripped jeans, and dark lipstick. You'll realize that you really do love Nicholas Sparks movies, and will watch The Notebook on a monthly basis. You favorite thing in the world will be peanut butter, and Cook Out will replace Taco Bell as your favorite restaurant. You'll slowly begin to forget about him, and you won't be afraid of trust anymore. You'll fall in love with life itself, and realize that love is not confined to a romantic relationship. You'll have incredible roommates, friends, coworkers, and family. Oh yeah, and call your grandpa. He loves you, and you need to stop being a pointlessly rebellious, angsty teen towards him. And one day, you will want to talk to your mom every single day, and you'll miss having someone check up on how you're doing. You'll start house hunting with your best friends, learn to cook all kinds of wonderful things with your limited college-budget pantry, go on road trips, be comfortable behind and in front of a camera, and take every opportunity to go on an adventure. You'll also learn that The Office is the best form of therapy and that Ann Perkins is your real self. You'll accept that you love the color black, as well as pink. You'll even start to paint your nails. You'll be an RA, collect hilarious stories, and discover that your love language is gift giving and letter writing. You will love so many people, and find fulfillment in bringing joy to others. Hang in there, kid. It feels like now is all you will ever know, but I promise the best is yet to come. |
AuthorI'm a college student with a passion to empower women, spread the love of Christ, and speak truth into the darkness. I also really like cats and Taylor Swift. Archives
October 2018
Categories
All
|