I resent weakness. And if I’m being quite honest, sometimes I am a little frustrated with Jesus for allowing me to experience it. The past 24 hours have been filled with physical pain like I’ve not known before. The past 24 hours have tested every mental guard I have. They have worn me out; and right when I thought I couldn’t be wearier, I’ve reached a new level of weariness. Will I be okay? Yes, eventually. But that’s not why I’m writing this. I’m not writing to explain what is going on with my body right now or delve in to healthcare, or to ask for compassion. I am writing this to worship. The lyrics from a United song have been circling in my head: “Even when my strength is lost, I’ll praise You. Even when I have no song, I’ll praise you. Even when it’s hard to find the words, louder then I’ll sing Your praise.” My body is weak, but my soul doesn’t have to be. So I will worship. And this world may be falling apart, but my God is not. He does not fail. He does not relent. He does not leave. He does not forget me. He does not overlook my pain. He stays right by my side through it all.
And healing? I don’t understand it. I sometimes question if He desires to heal me at all, from anything ever. But I am learning that reliance on Him brings me more strength than a moment of physical restoration. He knows what I ultimately need. He is what I ultimately need. So I’m going to worship. I want to wallow. I want to cry. I have done both, a lot, over the past 24 hours. But now I worship. He holds me when I cry. He empathizes with my pain. He grieves over my grief. He doesn’t laugh or roll His eyes. He catches each tear; He waits with grace while I doubt. If He can sustain me daily, provide oxygen for my lungs, give me hope in the darkness, then I can trust Him through this. He is worthy of my trust. He has never failed me, and He won’t do it now. It’s hard to find words. But I can still praise Him. Instead of focusing on my weakness, I’m going to hold fast to His strength. If Your power is made perfect in weakness, Lord, make me a vessel. The enemy has been trying to get me down all day. There is nothing much more that he would love than for me to take my eyes off of Jesus. But he doesn’t win this. My God wins this. My God wins. Period. And I’ll walk through this in confidence to testify that His grace is sufficient for me. His grace is sufficient. I’m taking my eyes off of my pain, my weakness, my fears. I am going to worship. Even when it hurts, I am going to worship. Through His strength, I am going to worship.
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AuthorI'm a college student with a passion to empower women, spread the love of Christ, and speak truth into the darkness. I also really like cats and Taylor Swift. Archives
October 2018
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