“Have I even been in love?” My best friend and I always hold our deep conversations when we’re extremely exhausted and emotionally drained, and that night was no different. We both sat in complete silence after this question was spoken. Had I? Had she? Had any of us, at any point, been in love, real love? As we sat in the silence, my mind continued circling back to the root of it all: what is love? Okay, yes. I go to a Christian university and have my Bible classes under my belt, so my immediate thought is “Oh yeah, agape. The unconditional love of God is real love.” But that’s not what I was trying to understand. I personally believe as image bearers of Christ, we are to extend agape love to everyone we encounter. But what I wanted to know that an unfailing, romantic love looks like. Because I haven’t figured that out, and during this conversation, I thought surely romance was a league all to its own. So after some thought, I finally spoke. I feel weird putting my own words in quotation marks, so I’ll just write about what I said. Love is that feeling in the pit of your stomach. It’s when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you would wipe their tears, clean their wounds, embrace their scars, and take a bullet on their behalf. It’s like the feeling when you look at your niece or nephew and think, “You. You are meant for incredible things, and I want to cheer you on and walk with you as much as I possibly can.” It’s when you drop everything so that someone knows they are known. It’s when you sacrifice comfort so that another knows that they aren’t alone. It’s entirely selfless. But it builds, it is productive, it speaks truth. It’s sometimes the only thing that will give painful honesty. It doesn’t fail. It fights for its legacy. It fights for its future. It works through the struggles. It asks for forgiveness and forgives without question. It goes beyond a physical connection, but it can manifest itself within physical intimacy. It’s a level of closeness that is too sacred, too heavy, to be shared with so many people. It’s holy. Love, romantic, unadulterated love, is holy. After that conversation, I continued to think about the topic. And who knows if my answer is correct, or even close. But I do know that love isn’t about sex and butterflies and perfect dates. In my counseling classes, my professors have said that you know how much a couple loves each other by the way they fight. And that’s it – love fights. It isn’t angry. But it doesn’t sit around or wait for a good time to happen. It works for what it wants. It puts in effort. And it doesn’t allow apathy to destroy it. It cares. It doesn’t fail. And through my thought progression, I realized I couldn’t possibly take agape out of the picture. If God is love, which He says He is, then I can’t experience this form of love without His character infused throughout. If God went so far as defeating death in order for the entire human race to experience love and eternity, then that’s the kind of model I want to follow. And if God is the creator of all things, including sexuality and intimacy, then I want Him to be the keeper of my heart in those things. And I want to follow His model for those areas of my life. And if God wants to fulfill the desires of my heart in a way that my mortal mind cannot comprehend, then I want to trust Him to do so. And if He truly knows what’s best, whether that is a life of singleness or to one day walk alongside a husband, then I want to trust in His divine wisdom. I want that kind of love. I want the kind of love God extends: the grace, the forgiveness, the willingness to fight for me, and the wisdom to tell me when to get my crap together. Because ultimately, I want to have the Creator of Love walk me through a romance. I want the Author of Romance to direct my affections. God is a God of goodness and wholeness – so who better to learn from when it comes to love? Anna Leigh
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AuthorI'm a college student with a passion to empower women, spread the love of Christ, and speak truth into the darkness. I also really like cats and Taylor Swift. Archives
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